Thursday, June 16, 2011


It's seven in the morning. Ive been up for about an hour now. Vada politely woke me with her "Ma. Ma. Ma" plea's for breakfast. We're making progress in the solid food eating area. Some meals Vada may only take one to two bites and others she may take several but she is beginning to swallow the foods and that is huge. Ive realized that there are some "tricks" that come along with meal times, I now realize that I have to get her at just the right time. She can't be too tired and there has to be a good amount of time before she last nursed. I try to always plan these time to happen around the same times that we as a family eat out meals and I always bring her a variety of foods to try out. Some days she prefers the softness of a puree and others she likes the chunkiness of some fresh cut up fruit, were always offering new textures and tastes and it seems to be working. I'm still figuring it all out and so is she.  Every step is a step in the right direction and all progress is celebrated, no matter how small the progress may seem.

Right now, Vada is laying next to me, were snuggled up on the couch. She fell back asleep just a few moments ago. We have the windows cracked and the ceiling fans on and the breeze is making her fine hair float back and forth in the air like feathers. Every now and again that long patch on the top of her head will float in my direction, its persistence is almost like torture, but her warmth and sweet breath makes the tickling sensations worth it. I love these moments.

Jasmine and Kiliegh are still in bed, asleep and now that Vada is resting soundly again I get to enjoy the quiet sounds of my morning. I love how peaceful it can be. We live in the middle of the city so cars have become a piece of my white noise that and the birds. I do enjoy their songs. Vada gets up quite a lot during the nights still, making moments like this rare. Usually, I am too tired and I too go back to sleep when she does. Sleep is good and it is something that I need to really catch up on but tranquil mornings like this does my body some good as well.

I haven't gone to church in a few weeks. I haven't done my women's Bible study in over two years and haven't helped with the youth group for even longer. I have slipped from reading the Bible, for no other reason other than not making time to do so and I know that I need to be making God a part of my everyday. A good friend of mine suggested that I read from Psalms, so I have begun that as well as a Bible study on that particular book. That's my next step this morning, now that I have two hands and some "alone time".

I let the girls sleep until 9 and then wake them. Which gives me another hour and a half to be in this moment. I wonder if I should let them sleep until they wake themselves, it is summer break and we have no where to go but for whatever reason, I wake them. The girls don't seem to mind. They get up, make their beds, eat breakfast, brush their teeth and go outside to play. They run around the neighborhood all day and when it's too hot to do that they go to the pool. I can't wait to go to the pool with them and to bring Vada along. We're almost through with the home bound-ness. There are a lot of things that I am looking forward to doing once that veil has been  lifted but I will forever be grateful for this extra time that I have been given with Vada, no matter what the cause for it was.

This morning's plans, weather permitting, are not ideal for the girls but it'll be good for them and for us to do together. After breakfast were going to all go outside and pull the weeds from our garden and flower area. Sounds like fun, right? It's a chore that has been overlooked for so long and needs to be done!

Justin had mulch delivered a couple of days ago but because of his work schedule he has been unable to get to it. I may attempt  laying some of it out while the girls are clearing the area, we'll see what Vada thinks. It's amazing the things that I can do while wearing her verses having her sit on the floor and play. She enjoys being in that close knit pouch and I like having her there. It's kind of fun.

I am going on day six of a seriously sore throat and some ear issues/sinus pain. Yesterday, I called Justin's mom and asked her is she would sit with the girls while I went to the walk-in clinic. I didn't want to bring them with me for fear that they would catch something from being there. The doctor said I basically have nothing more than a sore throat and to gargle with warm salt water. I feel foolish for even going and a bit irritated today that a soar throat is all that I have because it hurts so bad! I am waiting for the Tylenol to kick in. I can barely open my mouth but I have been sipping on some hot coffee and it's warmth is helping, some. I am grateful that whatever it is that's causing the soreness is seeming to me not contagious! The last thing I need is a house full of sickies-let alone, a sick baby!

Everything else is going pretty smoothly. Vada is healing amazingly. She sits up from laying down all on her own now. She has done it three times this last week. She cut her seventh tooth on Tuesday and then her eighth yesterday. Kiliegh had a serious ear infection that took two separate antibiotics and two and a half weeks of being on them to get the infection to clear up but it finally has. Justin has re-built his single speed bike and is thrilled about it. He plans on riding it to his second job on Friday. My depression is still here, still strong but I am trying really hard to push through it. I feel quite pathetic about it honestly. I have to push myself really hard to get anything done and I am so tired already. I have these plans in my head, I think them up each night as I am trying to go to sleep. I compile a list of things that I would like to do, things that I know will make me feel better, like exercising. Things that I know I need to do, like the dishes and laundry and then things to do with the girls, like crafts, board games and going to parks. Then when the morning comes feel as if I can barely get a start ignited. Today, I plan on doing more than I did yesterday and I have a good start already so things are looking hopeful. I know what I have and I feel as if it's the world. Knowing the truth is huge and feeling it is a task but I know that I am blessed and I am grateful for the gifts that God has given to me and to my family. I know that I am one blessed woman. I have a God that loves me unconditionally, three beautiful, amazing daughters and a wonderful husband and I will continue to tell myself that each and everyday.

1 comment:

Ilisa Ailts said...

So excited to have found your beautiful blog! I have 3 boys and the youngest has Ds (about 11 months) and is also breastfed. I was reading your comment on To Love Endlessly blog...

I'm having a hard time getting in solids and feel a lot of pressure regarding that...I have a journey ahead of me.