Above and beyond the difficulties we are experiencing with Vada's health we are also at our wits end with parenting. I have been learning over the past 11 years why it is that God wants us to "wait" until we are married and then why we are suppose to stay married. One of those reason I believe has to do with parenting. I don't think that God intended for parenting to be done alone, at least not for me. :) It's too hard. Going back and forth between parents is not only hard on the child, it is hard on the parents as well. It wasn't until I was pregnant with Vada and the realization of our situation actually set in.
Justin and I had done things the "right" way. We were married and soon to be having a child together. There would be no visitations. No one else would be raising our child but him and I, together. It was a wonderful feeling.
Once that realization set in so did another.
"Sharing" Jasmine and Kiliegh has been a painful process. I had been doing visitations for close to nine years when I became pregnant with Vada and up until this point in my life it was just something I had to do. I had never attached one specific feeling to it, at least not that I was aware of. Every time they would leave it broke my heart. That too was something I never fully grasped until I realized that Vada would never be leaving (well, not until she was older).
I came from a "broken" family so I remember my visitations well. Before my mom became ill I liked living with her and I enjoyed visiting my dad and grandmother when it was their time with me. Psychologically..., who knows?? As a mother now, I cant help but wonder if it was harder on my mom then, than it was on me.
Jasmine and Kiliegh have different biological father's. So in return that means that they are experiencing at the very least three different parenting styles. Kiliegh experiences her dads and brings some of that home, as does Jasmine and then together they experiences ours. Its confusing for Justin and I so I am sure it has to be confusing for them as well.
"Consistency is the key." Or so we have been told and we truly do agree with that..., its just so hard! We try. We really, really try..., but what works for one family may not work for another. Especially, a triple blended family.
Someone suggested that Justin and I both read Have a New Kid By Friday. I read this book somewhere around two years ago. It was a good read with a lot of different insights on parenting. The way I remember it was something like "change yourself, you'll change your child." Makes sense, I suppose.
Since then I have read a lot of different books on parenting. My favorites being the Love and Logic series. I have a six disk CD player in my car and each slot has a different Love and Logic CD in it. Its what I listen to on my trips to and from Peoria. Even with the books that I have read, I still feel lost on a lot of different issues. That's why when "Friday" was suggested, I decided to give it a try again.
I find it ironic that I post a online "tantrum" of my own, called it "Entitlement" and then with in the first few pages of "Friday" it refers to our children being part of the "Entitlement Group".It says that "They expect anything and everything good to come their way. In their eyes, the world owes them." I read that and immediately out loud I said "great". Luckily, I was in bed and no one heard me, so I didn't need to explain my sudden out burst, but I realized once again that this book would make me look at myself in a whole new way.
I don't think that the world owes me anything. Although I may portray it in ways..., I suppose, like possibly in my last post. If I write that way, even when I am just venting, I am sure that I must behave that way at least some times. Surely the girls pick up on that.
Well, tomorrow is Friday (the day of the week) and I am just starting Monday (the chapter) tonight. I will probably get in three pages before my eyes cross and the book slaps down onto my face, waking me momentarily so I can place it on the shelf for the night. I am going to give myself a realistic goal on this little project. Before Vada I could have sat down and finished this book in three or four hours - tops. Now, since I have had her I have read a total of two and a half books. Typically, when my head hits my pillow, I am racing to fall asleep. So, for this book, because I plan on sticking to it and reading some everyday..., I am going to give myself until next Friday to "have a new kid".