A Heart Happy

In some religions, the dove represents the Holy Spirit. A dove can also symbolize peace.

This morning I dreaded getting up. I was nervous about Vada's cardiologist appointment this afternoon. 

Vada's last cardiologist appointment was three months ago and that's when we were told that V still had a VSD (after having gone through a Complete AV Canal repair/open heart surgery) and what I remembered as a leaking valve or artery and what looked like the beginning of Pulmonary Hypertension. We thought that we wouldn't set an appointment again for another year only we were handed some scary "possibilities" and sent home with another check up in three month. That appointment was today.

As I was getting a cup of coffee (my second a.m. cup in over a month) Justin spotted a dove sitting on our porch  As I stood inhaling the aromas of a good roasted bean and warming my hands from the warmth that had radiated throughout my mug, Justin said that maybe this dove was a sign from God, maybe it was sent to us as a sign that everything was going to be okay and you know what? It was!

Vada had a ECHO today and afterward the doctor came in and explained that what he seen and heard during the last ECHO and exam  (three months ago), he could no longer find or hear today! He could still hear the leaking valve and the leaking artery but that it looked as if the VSD is no longer there! We bring V back to him in six month, not three and as long as she is doing well and is healthy, then we wont plan on doing another ECHO t the six month check up! Isn't that amazing? If that isnt a miracle from God Himself then I don't know what is! Vada's cardiologist, Dr. Bramlet, said that he was extremely happy with how V is doing and that he wanted to emphasize on the fact that she. is. doing. great! 

Today, before I left, I posted this post on Facebook...

In the words of Beth Moore, "I need a little Jesus." So, i am heading to my women's group at church and then to Peoria. There was a beautiful Dove sitting on our deck this morning, Justin said I think this is God trying to calm your heart with a small sign that everything will be okay today. Please lift Vada up in your prayers.

I had many replies on Facebook, via email and through texts and they continued throughout the day. People all over were saying prayers for our daughter and for her well being. Thank you! Thank you for loving our daughter and for taking a moment today to pray for her and to send your love our way! I know that God heard all of us, I know it because our prayers were answered. Thank you.

Becoming Heart Healthy

"Vada is doing Well."

"She has a tiny VSD and her Tricuspid valve (TR) is somewhat leaky; but these should not cause any problems for her over the next several years. Due to the way the VSD and TR interact, I would like to see her back in three months to re-check an echo and look for signs of pulmonary hypertension." 

The above was the doctors notes on today's discharge papers for Vada.

Vada had a check-up appointment with her cardiologist today. It was a routine visit and from the conversation that we had with this doctor during our last appointment in September of 2011 I thought that today's visit would be full of good news as well as with a one year pass between now and our next appointment. 

I wasn't completely wrong. But I wasn't right either.

It turns out that Vada is not finished on her healthy heart journey. 

If you take a look at the above diagram, I will try to explain. Vada still has a small hole in her Left Ventrical. In situations like this, typically, that hole would push blood towards the Right Ventrical. However, Vada's blood flow is going towards her Right Atrium instead. Her Tricuspid Valve is still leaking at a mild to moderate rate, which is also something not new news to us. Through the echo that was done today, it looks as if the blood that's being pushed from her LV is flowing over the TR leak, which could be a good thing compared to the other option which would be PH, and that's all I really remember about our conversation. I did ask about if  V's heart would or could repair itself overtime but due to the fact that she was born with a "unhealthy heart" it highly unlikely and not anticipated by the cardio team. When I asked about Vada having to  need another surgery her doctor said what he noted and what I shared in the beginning of this post.

The way that I am taking this all in and understanding things is that Vada may not need surgery now, but within the next couple of years another OHS wouldn't be a surprise. But then again I am not the doctor. In three months, at our next cardio appointment we will re-check everything and I will have a better idea and understanding about whats really going on and what to expect. 

What I do know now is that instead of moving to yearly check-ups we have moved back to every three months but I am grateful that Vada has a fantastic Cardiologist and team working hard to make sure that her heart is a healthy one and I am going to keep thanking God for that!

 Ive been reading this great book called The Resolution for Women and in it the author talks about living for what matters most. She writes that today, this very moment is a once in a life time experience and by rushing through it (or in this case by letting the fears of the future possibilities consume me) I am devaluing this very moment and the blessings in it. I dont want to let fear take over like I allowed it to do before. I have no idea what all of this new heart information means or what our future holds for us but I do know that I rocked my baby girl to sleep tonight. I held her, smelled her, kissed her and told her that I love her. That was a gift and a moment that I lived in. I choose to be content in this season of my life and I have faith that God has this under control. (But I will continue to update on how things are going. Wink. Wink.)

Thank You Lord, I See...

Today, Vada and I went to Peoria. She had a check-up with her Cardiologist, Dr. Bramlett. It was the quickest appointment that we have ever had in Peoria. All good news. Nothing new and we wont go back for another six months!!! Dr. Bramlett still heard the murmur (which we were told was still there following the surgery) but he said that it is really "soft" and not anything for concern. He said as far as Vada's "case" goes, "she is best case scenario".  She doesn't need to have Synagis (RSV) injections this fall and he doesnt foresee any complications in the future. After this next appointment (the one in six months), if all is well, then we may go as far out as a year before having to see him again. We like Dr. Bramlett, he's a good doctor and seems to be a nice man but not needing to see him is a good thing my friends! It signifies more growth and more progress for Little Miss Vaders!

Vada was weighed and measured today and while she hasn't gained any weight, she has grown in length! She weighs seventeen pounds-nine ounces and is twenty-nine inches long! For a girl who was stuck at twenty-five inches for over six months, this too is progress. Actually, I stand corrected, it's growth!

On the way home my heart was overflowing with warmth and happiness. It finally feels as if we have our girl and our life. Things feel safe and "Normal".

I find myself staring at Vada all of the time. Sometimes its with amazement, other times its with wonder and then other times it's been with fear. Today, I looked at her and finally, finally it didn't feel like I was going to loose her. It felt like I could breath again and like that damn elephant that found a resting spot on me had picked its huge ass up and off of my chest. It's nice to take deep breaths again and to not feel some sort of pain attached to them.

My faith in God is here, I haven't lost it and while it has done some teetering throughout these many months of stress and ciaos it has always remained strong.

... and that family that I prayed for as a child... well, tonight as we were getting ready to have dinner God showed me again, how very, very blessed I am. It was like He was screaming at me... "Look at the husband I gave you, the father that you asked for. Look at your daughters, your children, the siblings that you wanted. I have answered your prayers. I was listening... Look."

Thank you Lord, I see. Thank you for all that you have given to me. Thank you for the strength that you have given to me and to my family and thank you for answering all of my prayers.

Sixty-Forty

Ive been avoiding this post since Friday. We've been asked several times since then about our visit to Peoria and I have repeated the story enough to now feel as if the news is a healing wound verses a fresh one. 

The lord has blessed Justin and I with the knowledge of our Sweet baby girls medical "issues" since before her birth. However, no matter how prepared we may have felt in the past or feel at this very moment, when we meet some of these issues head on we turn into frightened children, Or at least I do. When I feel like this I try to take comfort in my faith and my belief in Jesus Christ. In all aspects of my life but especially in moments like these I find God's love for me and all of his children comforting.

When I am breaking in all of the same areas that have been mended too many times to possibly withstand more tragedy, I try to tell myself to take comfort in knowing that God will not give me more than I can handle. It has actually become somewhat of a personal mantra of mine and at times a saying that I also resent.

Driving home on Friday I desperately needed a warm embrace. I try to remember that I am never alone and while driving with Vada in the back seat, how I could possibly feel alone is beside me, but I did. I was tired and trembling and every part of me ached from the knowledge that I would soon face another great fear.

Usually I am fine with the Peoria trips being just Vada and I. I actually almost enjoy that time alone. Its a time that I recollect myself and my thoughts. Today, however, I wished for the company of my husband. I spoke with my sister on the phone and I did appreciated the conversation but I wanted to feel Justin's hand in mine. I wanted to hear his smooth voice saying absolutely nothing yet somehow forming all of the perfect words that I needed to hear.

Sometimes I wonder if I am suppose to endure all of this alone so that I somehow find the person and the voice that I have lost through my depression. Or maybe I am suppose to be reaching out and by breaking through the walls that I have somehow created God is helping me find who I once was. Either way, on this trip home, I felt alone and lost.

On Friday we did end up doing an unscheduled ECHO. The XRAY that was done on Monday had shown Vada's heart to be enlarged and while examining Vada on Friday, Dr. Bramlett had heard more of a murmur than what he was used to and he felt that it would be the best idea to do further testing.

The ECHO showed differences in her heart from the last ECHO. As Dr. Bramlett was describing the changes he pulled out a heart chart that resembled the one below. He flipped it over onto the blank side and began drawling his version of Vada's heart. I have high lighted the areas verses scanning his drawing as it is easier to read this way.


Vada's Pulmonary Valve is still narrowing and has narrowed considerably compared to the ECHO done only a couple of months before this one. The Pulmonary Artery is leaking some, but due to the narrowing of the Valve it is a very minimal leak. The narrowing is actually a benefit to Vada's condition and it protects her lungs from becoming full of blood and causing other complications.

The red is showing the opening between the Right Atrium and the Left Atrium. Basically, there is no wall between the upper two chambers and there needs to be one. However, as scary as this may sound, it is a condition that many people live with their whole youth and into adulthood before ever needing any surgical repair done. The concern falls mostly at the bottom of Vada's heart, between the Right Ventricle and the Left Ventricle. This is shown in blue. The "hole" is very small. In fact it is so small that it is not really effecting her too much altogether. Dr. Bramlett says that her heart condition is what they consider a "perfect defect". If you had to choose between any heart condition, this would be it, because everything is working together to compensate for something that is not fulfilling its duties. One defect helps another and so on. The green is showing that the right ventricle is enlarged. More than likely by a over flow of fluid/blood into that chamber. If you look at this post there is a picture of the XRAY that was done this last Monday and you can tell that her heart is enlarged.




Sixty-forty. That's how the cardiologist is weighing his decision for surgery. Sixty being the greater and where he thinks she needs to have her heart repaired soon, as in this Spring. The forty is his side where waiting has its benefits as well. This Monday Dr. Bramlett and his team will meet with the pediatric cardiac surgeons and from this meeting we should have the answers on which route we will be taking.

Making the decision to proceed with the plans of heart surgery is a decision that is a very difficult to make. At this moment it is not actually being made on the basis of Vada's heart condition, as it is timing. Right now this is a window of opportunity. Vada has been seizure free for quite a while now. She has recovered, for the most part, from being on the ACTH steroid and her heart is now in a position where it could withstand an operation. At one point the cardiac team was saying that her heart was practically inoperable and from fear of the seizures returning the Doctors think that this is our moment to go in.

Its strange because I am terrified of Vada's seizures returning. Not because of what they look like but because of the damage that they and the medications can cause. She is doing so well. "Leaps and bounds" is what her physical therapist always says in reference to her achievements. I lost her for awhile during her seizure treatments. She stopped doing things and stopped smiling. I have her back now, and I don't want to give her up. I am afraid of what all of this may mean. If we do operate then the stress from the surgery could cause the seizures to return. I am being told that it is a strong possibility. If we wait then we may have shut the door on our only opportunity of repairing her heart because, once again, the seizures may return.

Dr. Bramlett said it very well when he told me that this may be a decision where if something happens down the road we may find ourselves wondering if we did in fact make the right decision. He said that this is a situation where questioning ourselves is not something that will help in any way. All we can do is make the decision that is what we believe to be in Vada's best interest and take comfort in the knowledge that we were doing what we thought to be right for her. As much as I don't want the surgery, I believe too, that this is her time.

Vada's Newest Heart Pictures and My Newest Fears

Today I took Vada to our local hospital for a chest XRAY. This up coming Friday we go back to Peoria to meet with the Cardiologist. As things stand right now we are only doing this XRAY. However, if her heart is in a questionable condition, then we will do a unscheduled ECHO.

This is the second time that I have held her XRAY in my hands. Last time I didn't look at the disk. I don't know why but I never thought to do so.  In fact at this moment, after reviewing this current XRAY, I am kicking my self for not looking at the last one when I had it in my possession. Actually, I am kind of kicking myself now, for looking at this one but that's me.

Truthfully, I am not one of those people who wait and think of only happy thoughts. I try to be, my husband is, for the most part and I think that his optimism is a testimony of his trust and faith in God, not that I don't share those same things. My upbringing was just different than his and it has caused me to see things and deal with things differently than him. My past has molded me into who I am today. I am an all or nothing, tell it to me straight and don't sugar coat it type of person. Rip off the damn bandage and screw the the raw patch of skin left behind from doing it. I would rather know what I am dealing with upfront no matter how severe, rather than figuring out the degree of a situation on my own.

My personality has brought problems in the past. I often worry myself too much and annoy others from doing so. Ill admit that sometimes knowing isn't always the greatest thing but I would still rather know than not. I cant help the way that I am, I mean, I control myself but as much as I hide my feelings and thoughts, I still feel and think them. I love Vada and I am scared to death of loosing her. I am scared of the prolonging of her heart repair and the surgery in general. I am terrified of her seizures and what they can do. I'm scared of the medications that we will have to use if the seizures do come back. This is all scary to me. Do I enjoy her any less because of my fears? Not a single fraction of a bit. I enjoy every moment with her. She is an amazing baby and I am proud and grateful to be her mother. I refuse to let my fears consume the time that I have with her or with anyone else in my life. I keep my eyes forward and I charge through each and every battle that arises because it is what I do. I am a fighter I always have been and I always will be and I know that Vada is too.

Wow, what a rant...
Anyway, lately, I have been a little (yes, a little) concerned and at the same time grateful for this up coming appointment. I haven't noticed anything different or even concerning in Vada except for one thing. I mentioned it on Sunday to my pastors wife and to one other person. Often people look at me as if I am a "worry wort" or irrational. It's possible that I am a bit of both but to avoid the comments and the looks that are often shared when I express myself, I have withheld these new concerns and maintained my composure. Now that I have looked at this XRAY, I am even more concerned than I was. Go figure.

Vada put me on alert about a week or so ago. I can not pinpoint the first moment, but several moments altogether do stick out. Vada laying on the floor playing, babbling, just waking up, after crying and in her car seat when doing nothing what so ever except for sitting. She has begun panting. At first I thought the seizures were back. Vada always had rapid breathing through her seizures. (Click here to see video's of Vada's seizures. The first are the most accurate. They were done before she started ACTH and are without doubt West syndrome/Infantile Spasms.) 

Over the past week I have pulled over twice to watch Vada during these odd breathing episodes and like I have mentioned, there have been plenty of them. However, not once has there been anything else attached to the breathing. No signs of seizures. No blue lips or discolored skin. Her temperament is always her normal laid back baby way and it doesn't seem to matter what she is doing, or not doing, when her breathing changes.It seems like she is just catching her breath from a long run and then once she has all is well.

I cant help but think that this is it, or the beginning of it.

 Isn't this amazing. This is my baby's heart. Her inner workings. Her life line. Its beautiful.

So anyway, I peaked at the XRAY. I couldn't save the pictures to my files so I did the next best thing, I took a picture of the picture and I've posted them above. In November of last year I posted a chest XRAY that was done during one of Vada's many inpatient stays at OSF, see here for that picture-it is all I have to compare this recent one to. Clearly, her heart is larger. I am no doctor, obviously.  I claim to only know what I have been told from specialists and what I have read myself. I don't claim to know a single thing about the pictures that I am sharing and until Friday I wont know anything more. These are just my thoughts and some more of my fears.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Vada's heart condition she has ASD and VSD also known as or refereed to as Complete Endocardial Cushion Defect. She also has a leaking valve and an narrowing artery.

You know how at times you don't want to talk about a certain subject for fear of some how changing the out come? Well, I am hoping that from venting my fears once again, that I will have made myself look like a fool come this Friday. I know realistically however, its all in God's hands and I trust him.

Nearly Insignificant

This past Tuesday, after we had dinner with the Justin and the girls, Vada and I took another trip to Peoria. She was scheduled to be at the hospital on Wednesday at 8 AM for her sedated ECHO so the hospital reserved a room for us at a near by hotel that way I wouldn't have to drive at five in the morning to get there on time. I am so grateful that they do things like that. This was the second occasion where the hospital provided us with a room.


Besides spilling cheese sauce on Vada's head and forgetting the baby soap the night went well. She fell asleep at midnight and woke up at four, with a feeding somewhere in between (which is pretty close to her "normal" nightly routine), but I was able to get ready and not be rushed so it all worked out.

When we got to the hospital everything went better than I could have imagined. Vada fell asleep and I was able to lay her on me and keep her asleep during the ECHO so we didn't sedate her.

Dr. Bramlet was able to see everything that he needed to see didn't but we didn't receive any set in stone answers then. Actually, what I was told that day was a one extreme or another case scenario. She either would need surgery and need it right away, or she wouldn't and we would be holding off for at least two months. I was dumb founded (which may or may not be an easy things to do) at how undetermined he actually was acting. I didn't understand how it could be one way or another, with nothing in the middle. So, I questioned him.

Dr. Bramlet said that over all children who have Down syndrome and heart issues tend to need operations sooner than those who do not have Down syndrome. Typically the issues seem to arise no later that four to six months, hence the original date for surgery that was given to us during our pregnancy with Vada. He explained that it was either one extreme or the other because she is past that point. He said that he wanted to meet with all of the Cardiologists and get the opinions of the whole group. He told me that they would discuss Vada either in their Friday meeting or on their Monday meeting. Then once they had discussed her he would be calling me back. Mentally, I had decided that if he called me back saying we would need to do surgery that I would take Vada in for a second opinion. Truthfully, while I am happy with the news that I received today, I am still wondering if I should do that, or if I should leave well enough alone.

Around 8:30 AM I did receive a call from Dr. Bramlet (i'm so grateful that I didn't have to wait until Monday). He said that he had discussed Vada's case with his partners and they had come to the conclusion that Vada's VSD is what they are considering "nearly insignificant", (his words). What that means is that yes, the hole(s) are still there, they haven't gotten smaller, but they haven't gotten larger either. Vada shows little to no signs of "struggling" and they all agree that the surgery should be held off awhile longer. By waiting it will give Vada time to grow more and for her heart to recover from the nasty affects that took place because of the ACTH. Doing the surgery now could also bring forth issues pertaining to her recovery due to her stenosis and immunity.

When it comes to Vada and her many different medical concerns I am constantly reminded of the movie Dude Where's My Car. There is a scene when the guys are in the drive through of a Chinese restaurant...



and while it may seem a little inappropriate, there has always been another "and then". I cant wait until her heart and the seizures are no longer an issue so the next "and then" is something joyful and exciting!

As long as Vada does well on a cardiac level, her next appointment will be in four months making Vada fourteen months old and putting us into the month of May 2011.

Not as Bad as it Could Be

Vada and I have been home for about two hours now. The discharge literally took hours today, but were home now and that's what counts!

Dr. Shaw, one of the cardiologist came in around 10 a.m. and discussed what he saw in Vada's Echo and EKG. At that time he hadn't looked at her chest Xrays so everything he had said at that point kind of just sat in limbo until he came back..., around five. When he came back he brought Dr. Bramlett, another cardiologist from their group. Dr. Bramlett has been following us since my pregnancy. He was the first and only cardiologist that I saw when I was pregnant. Since then we have met all of the cardiologist, but I still like Bramlett the best. I'm familiar with him and he is familiar with Vada's heart and that comforts me.

Dr. Shaw and Dr. Bramlett stood outside of Vada's room for forty to forty-five minutes before coming in. It took them quite a long time to actually enter Vada's room and really tested my patience, but I finally received news that made sense and left me feeling semi confident in bringing Vada home again.

Vada is having difficulty breathing because her heart is enlarged. It is being called Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy (HCM). Right now I am understanding that the HCM in Vada's case is being considered a "symptom" or a "side effect" and not a "disease". Basically what it means is that the walls of Vada's heart are too thick. There has been a plaque like build up on them. Most likely a side effect from the ACTH. The build up has made her heart not only larger but heavier. Her lungs have become a cushion that her heart is weighing down on and in return is causing the breathing difficulties. With the HCM setting in surgical repair becomes a difficulty. Actually, the surgery would be fine. The recovery most likely would not be. With HCM the heart has a hard time "relaxing" and that is needed for a repair to fully take place. Vada would most likely struggle very hard to recover. This is something that we have all agreed is not a risk that we are willing to take at this moment because above and beyond all of this we are still dealing with the fact that Vada is Immunodeficient and possibly has Adrenal insufficiency. Meaning fighting off infections would be another difficult process on her little body.


Two weeks ago we were told that Vada is having Congestive heart failure. Today we are being told that this is not fully the case. Today we are being told that over all her heart is about the same as it has been all along, other than the HCM. She will still need to have surgical repair, just not right away. After discussing the HCM we then went to the Tachycardia (rapid heart beat).

Vada has ASD and VSD as well as an aortic stenosis. We have known about the stenosis we just refer to it as the "narrowing" of one of her valves..., because it' easier to understand and say. The stenosis is actually benefiting Vada because it is helping prevent blood flow into her lungs. However, we do know that she does have some fluid retention on her left side. The doctors believe that Its everything combined causing her her heart to over work. You have probably seen shows about people getting addicted to steroids and that there is withdraw when coming off of them. The case is the same with Vada coming off of the ACTH. Some children just struggle harder. If you add her withdraw to the un repaired ASD, VSD, stenosis, Cushings, and the HCM then you have one strong little baby going through a whole hell of a lot!

What does this mean over all? It means that we wait. Tomorrow is the last day of ACTH and Keppra. If the HCM is caused from the prolonged usage of the ACTH then we should see a decrease in the "thickness" of her heart over time. As her heart size (the walls) and her body weight goes down her heart should not be so over worked and the tachycardia should decrease as well.

Vada goes back to the Cardiologist in a month. She will have another ECHO done then to see if we notice any progress. Hopefully we do. However, it may take a couple of months for things to go back to "normal". Both Dr. Bramlett and Dr. Shaw agree that we wont need to do surgery for at a couple of months, which puts us into early to late Spring. Maybe even back into the summer.

We were told that there will probably be more moments where Vada will have labored breathing or rapid heart beats and we will have to pay attention to the consistency and extremeness of each episode but over all Vada should be just fine.

Pro's at the Waiting Game

We have known that Vada has heart disease long before we even met her. Its was something that I came to terms with and had accepted very easily. What else could I do.

We were told before Vada was born different time frames in her life when to expect to have her heart repaired. The latest was next summer.

Next summer has come prematurely. Next summer is here. Or so we've been told.

We have been in and out of hospitals four times in the last month (counting our two trips to the ER in our home town). Each time for the same issues and each time we have been sent on home with her on a new medication, or a new dosage of an already existing prescription.

This latest trip to Peoria was a bit different than the ones before.

I called the Neurologist and then the cardiologist and I told them that Vada was struggling and that I was bringing her in. I asked that they call our ER to give them a heads up. Our ER doesn't treat Vada. They send her to Peoria. I figured if they got a call form a doctor from Peoria maybe the transition would be quicker.

After talking with the specialists I called Justin's mom and asked her to come over and sit with Vada while I packed us a bag and then take Jasmine to her house for the night.

I called Justin at work and explained what I was doing and why..., and he said that he was on his way home, he was driving us.

We had decided to cut out the middle man. It was a hard decision to make but either way there were risks involved.

We got to OSF safely and she was brought straight to a room, where after assessing her she was given oxygen. Other than our last stay and then when coming out of surgical procedures Vada has never needed assistance with her air intake and the only reason she was giving air the last time she was hospitalized was due to her being so upset.

(A quick side note for you parents who are in similar situations with heart issues... You do NOT give someone who has an unrepaired heart defect full air. I didn't know this until today. By giving full oxygen it opens up the lungs. With an unrepaired heart; opening up the lungs can lead to the lungs being "flooded" with fluid.)

After being brought up to the PICU from the ER we were given the much needed time our bodies were screaming for to rest a bit. Justin took the couch and Vada and I slept in the crib together.




Before this specific trip to the hospital we had an appointment with the Neurologist and the Cardiologist for this up coming Friday (the 12th; Justin's 30th Birthday) . Vada was due to have her ECHO then. However, since we are here now, they decided to go ahead and do it early. This is Vada's third ECHO since has been born and her sixth or seventh overall.

After Vada was born she had a ECHO done almost immediately. I was still recovering from the cesarean and had not had the opportunity to meet Vada let alone be there for the procedure. The second ECHO was done was a few months ago and I was so busy keeping Vada preoccupied that in return I was preoccupied as well. Today, I was able to really pay attention. The beating of her heart was beautiful. Watching the bird like flutters was like a piece of moving art. It was incredibly deceiving to watch. How could something so beautiful not only be so powerful, but also have something wrong with it?


Vada's heart issues has always held me in a cold place of fear. I look forward to hearing her heart beating with out the "machine gun" murmur. I look forward to not being so scared of all of the possibilities her heart defect brings but being able to eagerly anticipate the capabilities her heart has to offer. (does that make sense?)



Vada also had a chest Xray done. This was done to see if there was any fluid in her lungs as well as to see the size of her heart. Typically we go into a cold room that is separated from the part of the hospital that we are staying in and then Vada is placed in this upward seat that has these plastic wing like pieces that wrap around her whole body forcing her arms to be straight into the air. I'm sure its frightening for her to have to endure.

Today a lady came into our room hauling a huge red fire engine cart. It looked just like an actual truck. With a ladder and a real working bell the engine pulled up next to Vada's bed and just like that she was getting her chest Xray. The nurse laid the film under Vada then covered me up with a protective vest (I was laying in the crib with Vada at the time.) and just as quick as she entered she was gone.


The doctors covered all of their basis today when it came to doing tests on Vada's heart. Vada's last test was an EKG. It too was a simple test compared to past situations and Vada paid more attention to pulling on the cords that were attached to her than she did the person putting them on.

While I am grateful at how great the staff are here and how thorough the doctors are, I am a bit disappointed to say that I know nothing new except that there is some fluid in Vada's left lung. Anything above and beyond that is all one big assumption on my part.

The cardiologist that is on call this week didn't make it in to see Vada today. He made it into the room right down the hall from us however, but I have been informed that they had something going on until eight and that may have been the reason for his absence. Its hard for me to read into that. On one side it could mean that he is not overly concerned, which is a good thing. On another side, two weeks ago they discharged Vada after one night of observation so why are they keeping us for another night if there isn't something concerning them?

The nurse seems to think that we will "probably" be going home tomorrow and that we will be one of the cardiologists first stops. She also told me that the cardiologist usually make their rounds at 6:30 a.m. and that we should be seen by no later than 8:30 a.m. Hopefully what she says is correct and we have the answers we have been waiting for.

Well, it feels incredibly late right now, even though its only 9:30 p.m. I know many are wondering whats going on so instead of holding off on posting this I am going to go ahead and read through my mess of words tomorrow, and fix what doesn't make sense then. So please excuse any and all grammatical errors, I am sure that there are plenty of them..., there usually is.

Tonight I am grateful for an amazing God who created and then brought us Vada. I am grateful for the doctors and nurses who are helping take care of her and I am grateful for my family and friends who are saying prayers and lifting her up in her time of need. God is Good. He is faithful and he is here holding Vada in his arms, protecting her and giving her the strength that she needs. God has a plan for Vada and I believe that in his plan she will be with us for a very long time.