For the Love of Bee's

My foster father keeps bee's. When I lived with my foster parents in Cedar Rapids IA I remember seeing some of the hives but I was at an age where I was pretty self consumed and parents were just not "cool", so I don't think that I showed much interest in his hives but today Jasmine and I were able to really get a close up of my dad's beautifully intriguing love for Bee's.

Jasmine went first as I was busy getting Littlest ready for the rest of our day. So Justin actually went with Jasmine and Augie (my foster father, my Dad).

Augie helped Jasmine get into her protective suit so that she couldn't get stung.

Jasmine's new bee keeper fashion attire was topped off with a hat and some spiffy arm length gloves.

To calm the little stingers a light amount of smoke was used before getting into the hives.

I was told that Jasmine was pretty interested in the hives and that there was only one moment of small panic on her behalf. I was pretty impressed and even more proud. 

And then it was my turn. 

I don't think that I have ever really mentioned my fear of bees before, so let me just add for the record, I am insanely afraid of bees. However, today I didn't feel fear. I was calm and my heart was at peace, pumping with its normal rhythmical beats. 

Today, I was with someone who choose to call me his daughter. Who loved me unconditionally and not because he had to but because he wants to. Sharing this moment with him, with my dad and getting to see a passion of his in an up close an personal way, was an experience I will forever treasure as well as be grateful for.

This next part may read as a little strange but its a difficult thing to put into words and I have to go back a little before I can explain...

I grew up with my biological mother until I was in mid second or mid third grade, around that time I was taken out of her custody due to her being extremely mentally ill and incapable of caring for me in a healthy way. I was moved around a lot beginning with temporarily being placed with my grand parents who were my mothers parents. Real placements like foster homes and residential treatment centers followed shortly after. I was in and out of my mothers care a few times before I turned sixteen and by that time I had been in over forty different placements. Somewhere in this time I met Suzan and Augie. They showed up at a treatment center in Cedar Rapids on a volunteer basis. At first it was just Suzan and she played the role that one of those big brother/big sister might play. We often went out for ice cream in the beginning and then became close pals. Suzan and Augie followed me from placement to placement being the only consistent "family" that I knew. Eventually, when the time came they became foster parents so that I could live with them and I did, live with them but my stay was short lived and after about six weeks I was moved into another  placement but by my own fault and nothing to do with them. Yet for some reason, even with my faults and the pain that I caused I still get to be here today with them and we still call each other family. 

Jumping back to today, with Augie and his bees...

I didn't feel even the slightest bit of fear for what I was about to do. As Augie was helping me put on my protective suit Justin kept asking if I was doing okay. He would go back and forth between saying things like how proud he was of me and how he couldn't believe that I was doing what I was about to do. Inside I was calm and it was until this moment as I sit her writing all of this all out for anyone and everyone to read that I realized why I was so calm. 

As Augie helped me into my suit, secured my hat and then helped slip on my gloves I was finally having needs met that I longed for as a child. I had a father protecting me from harm, caring for my well being and loving me. I felt safe. 

Some of you just read that and more than likely rolled your eyes. Your probably thinking that I am some eccentric drama queen and that it was only bee's and you know what, that's okay. I don't expect anyone to get it but that moment was healing to me. 

Something else came from this experience. Jasmine (and Kiliegh sometime this week) have a memory with "Grandpa Augie" a family member from my side. Its something that I cant give them much of but the ones that that they are getting this week will help fill in the void that's there, even if its only a void that I feel.

Ive walked by the bee hives, on my own, three times since I went with Augie. I have stayed on the path that's there, paying special attention so that I didn't disturb them but still getting closer than I normally ever would have done in the not so distant past. Im not afraid of these bees (not that I would know the difference between these bees and the ones flying ten feet away) and I would like to think that its because these bees are my dad's bees and they have a significance far beyond pollinating and making honey. 

Trading Spaces

Vada has been having a hard time staying asleep during the nights. I'm pretty for sure that it's a cross between wanting to sleep with me (because she likes when we sleep together) and teething (which is probably why she wants to sleep with me). Vada wakes up on an average of three to four times and each time she ends waking Kiliegh up.

Kiliegh doesn't do the greatest job at keeping her Polly pockets and Barbie dolls picked up off of the bedroom floor and since she shares or shared her bedroom with Vada, Vada was unable to go into her room and play safely.

Jasmine was having a hard time keeping her own room clean. As odd as it may sound, I think she actually had too much space!

Our house is actually a two bedroom house, with the exception of our "bedroom" which is a room in the basement. Sooo..., two of the end up sharing a room and one gets her own. With everything combined, it only made sense to make a switch and trade spaces!

Jasmine and Kiliegh are now sharing a room and Vada has Jasmine's old room.

I thought for sure that I wouldnt hear then end of it when I told Jasmine and Kiliegh that they were going to share a room again but I was shocked to see that they were actually kind of excitied about it!

After school they spent all evening cleaning and organizing their space (I totally made them!) and I spent the rest of the day cleaning up the rest of the mess that Justin and I made during the moving process.

And Vada? Well, I think she likes her new room.

It's more peaceful and clean. The change seemed to help Vada sleep too because she slept really, really well last night (She only woke up twice but from 12-7:30 I slept soundly). When she woke up from her afternoon nap today she actually sat in her crib and played for a long time before calling for me and when I came in I was greeted with this sweet face...

Vada even played with her doll. She was fixing her hair, giving her kisses and she actually used her blanket and covered her up. What a sweet "mommy".

While I am here writing I have to mention how I went to GiGi's with V yesterday. It was a last minute thing. They were doing some footage for the 2012, 2nd Annual "I Have a Voice Gala" that is happening this month!!! Yeh, so I was told that I may be asked some questions but I figured that even though I was told that, I have yet to be recorded in an interview thus far so it wasnt going to happen. Well, I was wrong!! OMFG, I totally ruined it! Looked like a fool! Forgot how to spell my freakin' last name!!! --NO JOKE, I really paused while spelling it to think about how the order of the letters! Good thing it wasn't live and good thing they are editing it because there is no way that I gave anything good to offer that video. I am still shaking my head on this one.

One great and new thing did come from this trip to GiGi's. I saw Vada intentionally sharing with another child. Every once in awhile she does feed us a snack or hand us one of her toys but somehow this was just different. She was sitting next to another little girl who is also around Vada's age. Both girls were having a snack and Vada took three of her golf fish crackers, one by one and laid them on other little girls side of the table and then she took one from her own pile for herself. My heart got the "warm and fuzzies" from seeing this!

What else..? What else..?

Oh! I finally got addicted I mean signed onto Pinterest!!! And I freaking love it! There are SO many great idea's! I have been inspired to be creative again and to spend more time doing crafts with the girls again!

Today the girls and I made paper heart chains.

 Instead of hanging the chains like garland, we did this...

I found these awesome handles...

and I now have my father in-law searching the auctions for them. I want to use the spicket handles for handles on this dresser..

I know, I know... the dresser looks a bit warn but it has SO much potential! I can't wait to start on it! I plan on sanding and then repainting the dresser within the next couple of months (maybe in the early Spring?). I am thinking of a deep plum-like color or a brick red, maybe even a teal!? If I can find the handles in different colors (I have my eye on five currently), I may leave them as they are and only add a finishing clear coat to prevent extra chipping.

I also found some cute ideas for Toddler sized rocking chairs and come to find out Annette, my mother in-law  has two that I get to pick from and completely re-do anyway. that. I. want! Score!!!

Pinterest could be bad news... but I heard crafting can be very therapeutic, relaxing and it even promotes good bonding between family members and that's the story I am sticking with! 

Checked Off

This afternoon Jasmine plopped into the living room chair next to me. She was bored and was announcing her boredom through a huge sigh. She had brought one of her drawing pads and a Ticonderoga number two pencil - Justin's favorite kind of pencils.She began drawing in circles with no real plans of anything in particular, you could tell. Periodically she would glance down at Vada who was sitting on the living room floor, not far from us, playing quietly with her not so quiet toys. After silently watching Jasmine for a moment I got back into my weekly meal planning.

You know how there are moments when you feel as if your being watched? Well, I was having one of those moments, so I looked back up from my writing. Jasmine was staring at me with a question that clearly needed to be asked. "Mama", she said, "Can I see if Vada wants to learn how to draw?" I kind of giggle inside at her question. I have noticed that as she gets older those cute, child like moments become fewer and far between when compared to what they once were.

I know very well, that Vada is not old enough to draw, let alone hold a pencil in her tiny hand. However, I figured that if I were standing right there with the two girls that no harm would come of it.

Vada seemed to be very interested in what was happening. She allowed Jasmine to hold her own hand with the pencil and she seemed content with her big sister guiding them both together around and over the paper. It was quite a sweet experience to watch, until, we had decided that enough was enough and I began to lift Vada off of Jasmine's lap. That's when the baby attitude kicked in and Vada began to protest. In her determination to continue with what she had been doing she flailed her hands around causing a finger to slip over a side of the paper. Which created her very first paper cut and momentarily traumatized Jasmine who instantly blamed herself for the tiny red trickle that had begun to to flow from the tip of Vada's finger.

It took a second to reassure Jasmine that little cut on Vada's finger was not her fault and once she realized that everything was "okay" you could see that she had begun to relax again.I think however, that drawing with Vada can now be checked off of the sisterly "To Do List" and will be something reserved for when she is a bit older.