Being An Individual

I try really hard to pick my battles with my children. I have learned a lot from my oldest on where I personally have made mistakes so with my middle daughter Kiliegh I do a little better.

I have a hard time with this one though.

Kiliegh has her own "sense of style". And that's okay, but sometimes! -- wowza! I don't know what she is thinking! She wears multiple socks at a time. Sweats with blouses. Halloween pants (that I don't know how they got in her drawer in the first place) with sweaters. Her sisters fake fur coat that is ten times her size verses the really cute pink one (that actually fits). Sometimes I kind of freak out inside. But I hold my breath, count to ten and let her wear what she picks out. Sometimes, I mention that such and such don't really go well together but then she says That's okay, Mom, I like it like that." And I think that she really truly does. 

I think Kiliegh is artistic. Actually, I know that she is. She does amazing things. One time when she was younger she took a huge tote of crayons, dumped them out and made a circle with them connecting only the ends together. It kind of looked like a sun burst. The kicker was that she did it like a rainbow-- all of the reds were together, pinks together and so on. It was beautiful. Recently she drew a dog that looked like it should be on the Clifford cartoon and she did it by looking at another picture, not by tracing. She will sit and color or draw for hours, if she is able to do so. So when I see her in the outfits I feel like it is her way of expressing herself. 

Today she chose the below outfit. 

 (Note, she is actually wearing two coats-- the over sized black one and then a brown fluffy one underneath and the lighting is bad-- she has on black boots, brown sweat pants, a black coat, a brown jacket and a white long sleeve tshirt with silver glitter on it.)

I had already told her to not wear the sweat pants with a blouse and the added cardigan sweater she had laying out. And then when she came out, fully dressed, I asked her about wearing tennis shoes verses the boots. Then I asked why she chose to wear that particular coat verses the pink one AND THEN I asked why two coats instead of one! I didn't nag. Just asked the questions as casually as I could and let her answers be the end of it (insert a big sigh and roll of the eyes here). Even though I let her answers be enough, inside I was thinking that her teacher probably thinks she has nothing to wear at our house or that no one pays attention to her because I let her dress this way and for a moment I was kind of embarrassed inside because that is just not the truth. And then sometimes, I wish that I could be as carefree and bold as she is. 

Kiliegh told me that her step mom wont let her wear this black coat because it is too big and that she doesn't like Kiliegh wearing things that are too big and believe me I feel the same way and her step mom is a nice lady and I actually like her (so I am not making any jabs). But then... I think what does it matter? Kiliegh has nice clothes here, she has nice shoes as well-- Practically everything fits her (except for that stinking black coat) and everything would match if she cared to have them that way and truthfully, I don't care to have a cookie cutter kid and I do enjoy her individuality... So, while I may be slightly embarrassed I am more proud that she likes who she is and I keep telling myself that by letting her express herself this way maybe I a nurturing her calling for when she is an adult...? Who knows!

What about you, readers..., do you let your children pick out their own clothes? Do you choose for them? My oldest daughter Jasmine, asks me for my opinion a lot and I do help her- when she asks, but ultimately I tell her that she has to like what she is wearing. However, I would never let them wear inappropriate (sexy-like) clothes. That's where I draw the line. But, I am curious as to how other parents would handle this particular situation, if it were their child.

Parenting: I Need Some Advice!!!

I was never one of the popular kids at school and I never had a really close friend (that was my age) or a group that I belonged to. I was known for a lot of things but nothing special and mostly they were things that embarrassed me like my second hand clothes, my frizzy hair or my mom. When I started to become close to someone or found an accepting group that I actually fit into, I moved away. When I lived with my mother and was old enough to have friends come over, I either didn't want them in my home because I was embarrassed of the conditions or their parents wouldn't let them come over because of where, how or who I lived with. Adolescence was not fun journey for me and I think that in general its tough to some extent, for everyone.

I have had many of conversations with Jasmine about her personal friendships as well as the ones that she witnesses at her school. She started Jr. High this year and as most of you can remember, Jr. High is a whole new board game and its not as fun as Candy Land.

I have noticed that the cattiness between Jasmine's group of girls started at a younger age than I remember but then again it was a long time ago. I am not only hearing about the drama but seeing it as well it. J's complications have really hit home with me and I kind of feel lost when it comes to knowing what to do.

I realize that there are two sides to every situation and that I am only getting one side, my daughters but I believe what she is saying, especially the feelings that she is expressing. It's hard to watch your children go through some of the crap that they do. I want to help. I would like to take it all away but I think that its my job to keep loving her, supporting her and letting her work through things at school on her own. Is that right?

Have you seen the movie or read the book The Help? I went to see it with my mother in-law. It was really good. There is a beautiful relationship between one of the house maids/nanny's and the child that she takes care of. Throughout the movie the nanny repeats how special the child is and then has the little girl repeat her. When I saw that, I thought that I needed to tell my own daughters how important they are.  Now, especially when it comes to peer pressure and bulling I tell my girls that they are worthy of true friendships. That they both deserve friends who don't boss them around, expect them to act in a way that is not true to themselves, who don't talk behind their backs, who are not "friends" one moment and then their enemies the next. Am I leaving things out?

So what else can I do?

I told Jasmine tonight that it helps to pray, to ask God to work in these other kids hearts and to continue to work in her own heart so that she can be strong and confident. I believe in the power of prayer but what else can I do to help my girls feel stronger even though they feel as if they are being beaten down? There is a fine line in this for me and I am afraid of crossing it. I want to encourage my daughters, build them up and give them the tools that they need to get through this happily but then there is a part of me that would seriously like to give a couple of these kids a piece of my mind and I don't want that part of me to come out and give the wrong message to my girls.

I have been thinking about all of this a lot lately and last night I came to the conclusion that my daughters are not the underdogs in this situations, although they may feel like it at times. They do want to be part of the "popular" crowd but so far they are not willing to turn nasty to get there and I am proud of them for making that choice. From where I stand they are better people in comparison because they are not taking down others to get a moment of self assurance. I only pray that they continue to have the strength to do whats right, no matter how hard they are pushed.

I wish that I could just tell my girls that most of those bitchy mean girls wont amount to much because they will only get so far with being popular and "pretty". I wish that I could make them realize life is so much different than school and mean girls don't seem to make it very far in reality, but that's not really Christian of me and certainly not a conversation to have with a child.

Parenting can be so confusing. Especially, when you need some good solid advice from people who have "been there and done that", and don't have those kinds of people to access easily.

So, to all of you older parents out there, ones with adult children, I would love some advice on the school and friendships. Parents who have older children who can now see what worked and what didn't... please... help me! 

Seventeen Months

Yesterday, I decided to put Vada into an outfit that I had purchased months ago. I was hoping that she had grown into it by now. When I bought this outfit and many more like it I had assumed that Vada would be in eighteen month sized clothes by the time summer would arrive. It was so hard to determine then because she had a huge weight gain with the ACTH and then the fact that she was, at the time of purchase, actually loosing weight.

On a side note, when I read about children who have Down syndrome, I read about the many things to expect. One specific thing that I read was that most infants and children who have Ds grow slower or are smaller than their peers who may be the same age and who do not have Ds. However, like every other possibility, it was just that, a possibility and since I hadn't had much experience with her actually being small (other than around her birth) I thought nothing more about what I had once read and bought the eighteen month sized clothes.

Clearly, I was wrong when I assumed I knew what her Summer size would be.

I am hoping for an prolonged Summer..., then maybe she might get some use out of a her "cool" clothes but I doubt it. Either way, I may save them for next ear, just in case. I kept a ton of her nicer clothes from this last winter, which was also sized for eighteen month old babies. Again, because of the ACTH, she was wearing eighteen month sized clothes, only she was nowhere close to being that age. I'm thinking that at the very least those will be perfect for this winter.

The first two pictures was taken on Christmas of 2010. Vada was 9-1/2 months old. The third picture was from this morning. The outfit is sized for a 18 month old and there is plenty more where this one came from. Some fit better than others. This one happens to fit her in practically the same was as when she began wearing it.

After we finally found some clothes that did fit her we headed to our friends house for a first time dress fitting. My friends mom is making our Vada and my friends daughter matching dresses and since she lives in another country, we have to send her the measurements of our girls.

Wasn't it thoughtful of me to stop her while facing the hot, hot sun, to take this picture? 

During our walk I did noticed something that got me really excited! Vada's feet can finally touch the pedals of her SmartTrike! So, she may be smaller in the waist area but she is, without any doubt, growing in length!

Later in the afternoon, Vada and I headed to her Ped's office for a check-up and more importantly, to start her Vaccination again.

These next few pictures are from my cell phone, so their not the best quality but look at how much fun she is having!

She didn't know or care about what was coming up, however. She was having too much fun playing on the exam table.

Vada may have been having a blast but I was sick to my stomach.

Knowing the right thing to do is not always easy and today's choice was a difficult one to make. I had actually put this appointment off by three weeks because I knew what vaccine everyone wanted to start with, the DTaP. For those of you who don't know, in the past this was an eliminated vaccine for those who had West Syndrome (or Infantile spasms/seizures). The Pertussis portion was once a "live vaccine" and it was linked to seizures. However, now that it is a "killed" strand or an inactivated toxin, it is considered to be safe to once again use on those who have Vada's form of Epilepsy. Regardless, it makes me nervous! Even today I am watching her like a hawk! Last night I even slept with her. She does seem to be having a difficult time too but I understand (having two children prior to her) that there are small reactions that sometimes occur but this is why I am watching her so closely.

She barely flinched while getting the shot, which was a nice reaction. She still has area's on her thigh's that looks almost scarred from where I gave her the daily injections and I think that maybe because it is scarred that she may have less feeling in those area's of her legs. Hopeful thinking?

Along with her vaccinations she was weighed and measured and low and behold she has grown. At the age of seventeen months (and two days) Vada is now twenty-eight inches long and weighs seventeen pounds and ten ounces.

When her doctor came into the room he jokingly said that if you looked at her growth chart you would think that she was withering away. He then followed that up with "But clearly that's not the case. She looks amazing!"

We think so too!

This is a Down syndrome specific growth chart. This is the chart that the doctors should be using if your child has Ds.

This is a Down syndrome specific growth chart. This is the chart that the doctors should be using if your child has Ds.

This growth chart is used for infants/toddlers who do not have Ds. I', sharing it with you to show you the difference in where Vada falls between the charts.

Bubble Baths and Randomness

Right now I am in the bath, a bubble bath actually! I know, I know...a little more information than you probably needed or even wanted to hear but it's the second time that I have been able to take a bubble bath this week! Both times I have consider each bath a gift from my husband who just happen to top off this bath by bringing me a tall glass of iced Organic Easy Now tea, which I plan  to sip on as I melt into the water and the aromas of Eucalyptus and Menthol (No, I'm not sick, I just enjoy the scents). Justin has even told the girls that they could not come into this particular bathroom until I came out. For all of you Momma's out there I am sure that you can understand how sweet that restriction is! Children seem to need you more when your trying to do something, like talking on the phone, cooking dinner any yes, even taking a bath.

Being a parent is a constant jog! This week alone, I am accompanying my girls to five days in a row of swim lessons. They also have activities at church once during the week. Kiliegh has a dance class. Jasmine has two soft ball games, Karate classes and then on Saturday, were taking her to camp, in Wisconsin, which I might add is a minimum six hours of driving! Therefore, something that seems so small like taking a bath (for mere relaxation purposes) seems like a luxury to me.

Even though things are crazy busy, I am really enjoying this time with Justin and the girls-where were doing things as a family. It's nice to not have to worry as much as I used to. It's even nicer being able to incorporate Vada in our every day activities verses finding someone to take the older girls somewhere or needing to have someone come watch Vada so that I can.

The balancing act between everything that the girls have lined up in a day/week and then the things that I need to do leaves me very tired. Therefore, any extra interests of mine I keep putting aside, like blogging. I have however, begun sleeping in my bed again which makes falling behind on hobbies well worth it! Up until about a week ago all of my nights ended with me sleeping on the floor or on the couch because little V had her sleeping schedule messed up. We co-slept with her, which I think is wonderful to experience together. Now however, putting her into her own bed has become somewhat trickier than it may have been if I just put her there when she first came home. I loved cuddling with her while we slept and when she was less mobile and I love the bond that her and I have so I dont regret co-sleeping with her one bit. Having her sleep with us made my nerves less of a mess. I knew she was breathing and doing well through the night when she was next to me and it also made night time feedings much easier. Now, however, she is all over the place and even with a guard rail up I am nervous that she'll crawl to the foot of the bed and fall off (and our bed is high up). Since I have been so tired I am scared that she'll crawl past me without me waking. So, it's time for her to sleep in her own bed and for the most part once she is asleep, she doesn't seem to mind the transition. It's harder on me probably because I wont let her cry herself to sleep. I don't like the idea of it. So getting her to sleep is a little time consuming than it may be if I did do the "Cry-it-out" method-which is fine.

I have also been focusing a lot of my attention on nap times. I am hoping that if I get Vada's naps figured out the sleeping through the night, (which hasn't happened since she was around five and a half months old-prior to her seizures), will follow. Either way, I feel as if were on the right track to getting blissful full nights of sleep, for V and I both!

It's been a week since the "quarantine" has been lifted and boy oh boy have we made our rounds with Vada. Well, sort of.

We went to the Farmers Market again. There the girls tried some fresh peaches, watermelon and even Vada had a small taste of fudge.

We walked through every part of the market as well as the inside portion. When we ventured to the far back of the outdoor market we found a tent where a nice couple was spinning wool straight from a live (and fully comfortable) Angora rabbit. It was an impressive sight to see. The girls however, were more impressed with the animals themselves.

Before leaving the house on this particular day Kiliegh had emptied her whole piggy bank into her purse. I bet the thing weight at least five pounds and not once but twice Jasmine helped her count out five dollars in loose change for two separate jewelry purchases. (I haven't seen the braclets since.)

One night we met our church's youth group, their parents and some of the church staff at Happy Joe's and we all hung out, ate pizza and caught up on each other lives a little. I realized again during this get together that my social skills are shot! Being house bound for the last two years has done something to my abilities with interacting with others. I now have no idea what to say to people, what to talk about or even how to start a conversation let alone carry one. I guess that just means that I need to be around people more. Either way, it was nice being surrounded by this group of friends, we all have a past together so the conversations were lighter and more care free.

Heidi's daughter Hailey is actually the reason that we go to FUPC-of Moline. "Hail's" inviting Jasmine, my oldest a few years ago to youth group with her. Jasmine went several times with Hailey and her family before I became interested and the rest is history.

Heidi and I as well as Jen (one picture below Heidi) were all in the same "small group", Sunday school class and even Women's bible study class when I was going on a regular basis (before my pregnancy with Vada). Also, Heidi was Kiliegh's reading teacher for two years.

Jen (below) like I already mentioned is in a lot of the same functions for church. She has two sons who are both Jasmine's and Kiliegh's age and they live four blocks away. Joe (her oldest) and Jasmine have spent a lot of time riding through the neighborhood on their bikes this summer. I like that Jasmine has nice boys to play with.

During my pregnancy Jen kept me well stocked with Dvd's and Panera. She constantly offered to walk our dog, take the girls to church amongst many other helpful things. She is a good friend and neighbor.

This is Rusty. He came to our church a couple of years ago from Texas. He works with the youth and does an amazing job! He is patient and kind and a strong leader to our kiddo's. He also brought with him his wonderful wife and two children. Just recently they had their third child Lylah.

This is Vada and Lylah interacting together.  The head on the left is Sarah, Rusty's wife and then head on the right is me.

Well, I can hear a fussy baby in the background calling for me, so I need to finish things up and attempt more "catch-up" on another day and time. Before I call it a wrap, I want to make sure that I mention  My cousin Terrie. She is around my age has struggled with weight issues for quite sometime now. She is a working mother of two beautiful babes and a wife of a pretty great guy. Recently, she started the Weight Watchers program and for the first time in a long time (maybe her whole life), she is seeing some pretty substantial results! She has decided to start blogging about her journey through the up's and down's of weight loss-blogging can be so therapeutic. Her blog is not intended to promote or endorse Weight Watchers in any way but since she is a active member in the program it is one of her primary topics in her writing. If you are interested you can check out her blog here.

Another new blogger is my Jazzy girl. She is my oldest daughter, an eleven year old sweetie who happens to have a lot of sass but a lot more heart than anything. She thought after watching me for some time that blogging sounded like a fun thing to do. I have no idea where she is going with it or even if she'll stick with it but I thought I would share her link anyway.

Kiliegh, my middle daughter saw that Jasmine, her big sister had started a blog and decided that she too wanted one. I'm still contemplating on that one but I did open up a typing program on the computer and told her to get in some practice and this is what she decided to write about. Cute huh?