Nothing a Little Dye Won't Fix

Towards the end of my pregnancy I was going into the hospital twice a week for NST's. My trips to and from the hospital were my only "outings" and my only times that I was able to get out of bed (Besides the obvious bathroom breaks.). Every day that I drove to our local hospital I drove past Toys R Us and Target-two stores that I really enjoy shopping at. I so wanted to go inside the stores and look at baby "stuff". At this point I had done very little baby shopping and I had defiantly begun the "nesting" phase of the pregnancy, well before I had began the NST's. Everyday that I drove past the two stores the "itch" became a little harder to scratch-so to speak.

Finally, one day, on the way home I pulled into the parking lot of Toys R Us and sat in my car contemplating on if I should take the risk and just go on in. I played the scenario in my head. I would only go in for five minutes. No, I would allow myself ten. Scratch that. I would need at least fifteen minutes to properly scan the baby section. (Yeah, right!) I probably sat in my car for a good half an hour before I decided that I just couldn't risk it. I was disappointed but I knew that if something (anything) did happen with the pregnancy, even if it were a week or two down the road, I would blame myself and my choice to shop when I was suppose to be on strict bed rest. The same day that I sat in my car battling with the idea of shop or not to shop, I went home and got online-and I shopped. I ordered Sophie the Giraffe which I had originally seen in the Mothering magazine that I get, a couple of really cute outfits and a beautiful knitted unbleached organic cotton blanket.

Blankets seem to be the number one gift that people give. Everyone seems to find the cutest of cute when it comes to them. I too, have gave my fair share of cute ones and never complain when a new one comes my way! Baby blankets are a lot like shoes-you can never have enough! Over the last two years we have received a lot of blankets as gifts and truthfully, I have kept them all. Justin's Grandmother has made Vada several blankets (and sweet hats and dresses that all go together), my Grandmother has as well. Annie made Vada a sweet heart blanket, Rhonda from Mud Puddle Roo's (ONE GREAT LITTLE SHOP!) also gave Vada a beautiful blanket and there are many others to add to this list. I can easily say that Vada is well stocked on beautiful and meaningful blankets and we use them all or we will use them at some point in time.

 The blanket that I had ordered however, seemed to be the one that was always grabbed (That and one of Grandma's). I used it to lay Vada on. I used it to cover her up while I was nursing her (After I gave my Hooter Hider away.) I used it to keep her warm, to keep the girls warm and to keep me warm as well. It was a well loved and extremely well used blanket!

At one point in time the blanket went from unbleached to bleached and then bleached again...and again. Still being a beautiful blanket-just a bit whiter than its original color, it traveled with us wherever we went. Because we did use it on a very regular basis I felt that it should go to the hospital with us during Vada's heart surgery. I knew it would probably get some stains on it at some point in time but then I figured I would just bleach it again. What I didn't consider was Iodine. Bleach does not remove iodine from fabrics-in case you were wondering-I tried and tried and for the heck of it I tried one more time before admitting defeat.

I hated that I had these ugly stains on Vada's once beautiful blanket. I felt as if I couldn't take it in public anymore because it looked dirty. I knew that I couldn't justify going out and buying a new one because we have so many others to take its place. Not willing to throw the blanket away I held onto it and for the last couple of weeks it has sat on top of one of my dryers in the laundry room.

Two days ago Justin happened to be standing with me as I was doing a load of whites. He noticed the blanket on top of the dryer and asked if I wanted to wash it with the rest of the load. I began to explain the situation  and told him why I was having a hard time letting this blanket go. I guess, the blanket  has become somewhat of a comfort to me-probably more so than I claim it to be for Vada.  After telling Justin why I was holding onto the blanket he suggested that because I liked tie dyed things that I should attempt to dye the blanket. The next day I bought a kit, brought it home and we began the project of saving Vada's/Momma's blanket!

We began dying the blanket around four in the afternoon. The kit said to let it sit for at least twelve hours after completely covering what areas we wanted to be colored.  The funny thing is that this morning around two, when I was nursing Vada, I did the math in my head. It had only been about ten hours! Needless to say, I was excited to see what Justin and I had created together. So, once he got home this morning I asked if he wanted to go out and take off the rubber bands, rinse off the blanket and check it out. He was excited too, so he needed no real persuasion.

 The blanket ended up beautifully! Much brighter and even louder than it once was but its one of a kind and Justin and I did it together for our baby girl and some what for me as well.

On a final note, I want to thank my Jazzy girl for her help with this project. She took some really good pictures while Justin and I were in the dying process and she also pushed Vada on the swing while keeping her entertained so that we could focus on finishing things up quickly. Thanks sweetie, without you we wouldn't have been able to do the whole project..., including this post! You Rock and I Love You!

To a Friend

Right now someone that I know is about to give birth.

She will be having a baby girl whom she has already given a name to. She knows that her daughter has heart issues and she knows that there is a possibility that her daughter may have down syndrome as well.

My heart is aching remembering my own experiences.

I have been checking in on my friend in almost a stalking manner over the past few hours. I have never met this women but she holds a special place in my heart. Her daughter who is not yet born also has a place there as well.

When I was told that Vada did in fact have Trisomy21 my whole world crumbled. I felt defeated in every way. That was when I was around twenty weeks pregnant and the rest of the pregnancy was the biggest emotional tornado that I have ever experienced. While I am glad that I knew prior to her birth I still wouldn't wish those feelings onto anyone.

I have learned since Vada's birth that having a child who has Down syndrome is not really the hard part. The hard part is dealing with other people and their ignorance's towards Down syndrome. The pain comes from the comments, suggestions, looks and conversations of people who don't know what they are talking about and worse, don't understand the effects of their words.There have been many occasions where I have wrapped Vada in my arms as if guarding her from this ignorance. Its lonely and painful sometimes but its not because she has Down syndrome or because she has caused the pain. Its from society and the way that perfectionism and beauty is portrayed.

Having a child with Down syndrome was not then end of my world it was the beginning of a new and beautiful one. Vada was a gift like any child but with a difference that not everyone can be blessed with. I pray that someday the world will see her as the same and not different in any way.
Now, as I anxiously await for the mention of a new birth I wanted to say just a few things to my friend...

I pray that today when you look into your daughters eyes, regardless of what her diagnosis' may or may not be, that you see God's perfection. If she happens to have Down syndrome, please don't ever let society make it so you don't enjoy her. She will be amazing because she is yours. She will live up to her potential and she will make you proud. She will teach you things you never knew was important and she will bring you joy that you never knew existed. She will change the world, even if it only yours. She will be everything you ever hoped for and more. Today, when you meet her tell her that you love and then tell her again.